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True fact: Summertime makes me lazy. It also makes me ambitious.

I’m one of those lucky few who has a huge chunk of time off in the summer. It’s one of the reasons I’ve stuck with the job I have despite the occasional longing to go back to school and get a degree in something I actually like. Also, change is hard, but that’s another post for another time.

With all this time at my fingertips, I gave myself a new revisions deadline and thought it would be easy to meet. I underestimate my own ability to procrastinate. And it seems I have once more. I probably won’t meet my self-imposed deadline, but I’ll be pretty close. You see, even with all the time in the world, with nothing to stop me from writing for hours and hours every day, I forgot about the harder battle, the one with myself.

There’s a saying, I don’t know who it’s attributed to, but I’ve seen in floating around a lot online lately. “If writing were easy, everyone would do it.” Honestly, the writing isn’t the hard part. The hard part is facing yourself when you write. Sometimes it’s in the form of characters, when you see yourself reflected back in something they do, some bad decision or traumatic event. Sometimes it’s the head-editor who knows exactly what to say to make you feel like you are nothing. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting up in the morning and making yourself, despite all the fears and self-loathing, write a few more words.

Writing isn’t always this battle of wills. Some days everything flows like honey and wine. But lately, I’ve been waging war with myself on a regular basis. I hope one day it will get easier. But even if it doesn’t, I plan to keep fighting, to keep writing. Like I said, summer makes me ambitious.

And today, the ambitious outweigh the laziness. Today, I get to claim victory.